This is also for any foreigners who decide to travel or live here, and get the chance to read this article.. It might help some of those who have the same mind or thinking as me..
Now most all of have heard about family, the friendless, and good nature of Filipinos.. I will not go into all that... They are thousands of articles about that.. I will try to cover some of the smaller and little things that I have done, or seen that was something that might get you bad feelings or hurt their feeling.. And,,, it will be unintentional.. Things that me as a American was very used to doing, and very acceptable in the States.. But does not work well here..
Laughing or ( Ribbing ) at Filipino
--- While they are many times that laughter is totally ok, they are many times it is not.. In the states we can laugh over a mis spoken word, or at a funny hair style someone has, tripping and falling, being drunk, many different things.. It is widely accepted and is not that big of deal... Here in PI,, it is a big deal.. Do not do it... This i have hurt more peoples feelings over then anything else,, and was totally not meaning to.. It was just what I was used to doing and never had a problem with... Here,, they will get hurt or think you making fun of them.. ( Which we actually are, but in good way, meaning no harm.) But they will take it to heart.. Especially the ribbing about looks, hair styles, clothing, speech, family, friends.. They will surely take it to heart..
After a short while here,, I would rib ( Tease ) persons that was close to me,, and honestly it caused some to not come around anymore.. As a country boy,, all of my friends teased each other about everything... Even when my American wife and I slit up and decided to divorce, I was really feeling down... Two days after my friends put large plywood sign in my front yard and painted,, good woman needed... The other one Run Off... ha ha ha ha... It was quite funny,, DO NOT DO THAT HERE.. or any kind of ribbing.. I teased a girl when others was laughing at her for having a big forehead... It was not really even big.. She was very pretty.. Well since they was doing it,, i thought i would get in on the joke also.. But, I pushed it for a few days, and every time I would see her,, I would tell her,, can i put a billboard on that forehead for advertisement.. Of course right after I would hug her and tell her she is pretty and its just a joke... But I just teasing her.. Did not matter... After the third day,, she broke down in tears and started balling.. To this day, she will not speak to me... Wow, did I feel like a ass...
Laughed at someone singing and made comments at karaoke,, ( because they was really funny, and terrible singer ) ,, kept teasing a little.. They stopped singing and will not go back with me to karaoke.. Even we are ok, and I apologized,, and we are still friends today... They still will not go to karaoke with me.. I told them, does not matter your bad singer, your ok.. I still want to go with you.. Did not matter.. Same goes for Speech.. That is big one... If you tease them of their English,, they will stop talking to you all together.
This also goes for being Drunk, what Clothes they wear, hair styles, family members, boy or girl friends, just about anything... Now do not get me wrong... You will hear lot of Pinoy joke that with each other.. But if you as a foreigner do it,, or lets say continue doing it more than once,, they will take it more to heart coming from you... I think because we are foreigners they think we look at them lower than us.. ( Which is absolutely NOT TRUE. ) But they feel that anyway.. So I think as foreigners we can do a lot of damage in short time..
Sense of Humor with Filipino -
My sense of humor and most Filipino's do not go together at all.. Many things I will joke about, or say.. Sometimes is mis interpreted or taken the wrong way.. Our jokes and theirs are on a completely different level.. Again, one is not better or worse then the other,, they are just different.. No offense intended,, but Filipino humor tends to be more simple and not complicated.. Ours seems to be more no so direct and sometimes is confusing,, which in turn sometimes can lead to hurt feelings or mis understandings..
Example : Neighbor here close to my place come over one day.. He had some bandages around his head, and you could tell he had some type of accident... I ask him, " Wow, what happen to you. " He told me that he had fallen climbing a coconut tree.. Which, I took as what had happened.. I even said directly after that,, " Oh man,, need to be careful when doing that. " Another person walked up,, and ask the same thing.. Of course me wanting to joke at him,, spoke first and said,, " I told him he needs to be careful how he spoke to his woman.."
Of course then,, he told what had happen,, and i did not think much more about it.. Two days later,, my wife said the man's wife had spoke with her and was very upset why I was telling people that she hit her husband... ha ha ha.. So see how it can get out of hand very easy here.. Now for us as foreigners,, that would have been no big deal,, and we would have known it was a joke.. Especially after he told what really happened and it was even discussed more of how he feel out of the tree.. But here,, things are taken to heart more.. One reason i think is because speaking of woman hitting a man, or jokes of sex, or of matters of the heart are not done here.. But, for us as foreigners,, they are common jokes... This also works in many different cases,, especially when joking of husband and wife, family, public officials, church,, things like that.. So be careful how you joke...
Beliefs or Religions
This one has got me in trouble many times also... Joking religion, or beliefs.. Better to stay away from that one... Can come back to get you.. My wife one night said they was a white lady outside the condo... I said a what.. She said a White Lady,, its like a bad spirit.. I laughed at her and joked her about it.. That was not so bad.. She took it in great stride... I then thought i would go a step further and sneaked out of the bed and took a white sheet and put over my head and woke her up standing there... I expected she would be scared,, but man never expected the outcome such a small prank would have... As soon as she screamed, i pulled it off and was laughing. Assuming she would also laugh after she yelled and got mad at me... Well, she went into Shock.. I mean actual shock, and turned stiff... Even after she knew it was me.. She really got bad, and turned white,, could not breath properly, and thought she was going to die on me... Scared me to death... Now, that is not the worse part... Even know she knew it was me, and I done it all, and it was only a joke... She could not sleep in that room anymore.. It was that bad.. Had to change condo's to another unit before she could sleep anymore... She tried,, and give it her best shot.. But even though she known everything, and it was all a joke,, she would freeze up and go to the living room.. Could not sleep there.. So again,, in the States,, I would have been slapped and cursed at,, then laughed at,, and might had to sleep on the couch that night.. But it would all have been fine... Here in PI,, not so... They take those superstitions and beliefs really to heart.. They have been passed down and part of life here and they really belief in those.. Oh and forget trying to explain the scientific side, or common sense side.. Most of the time it will not work... Need to just accept and honor that belief... So again, be careful how you joke with some people..
Sexual Contact in Public
Well if they is one that got me in more hot water and lost me more Chances ( Before my wife ). Well this one was it.. Guys,, from the States, this one will get most all of us.. How many times in the States have we seen or done... Women sitting in Laps, holding hands, Tap on the Rear End, Kissing, stroking hair.. Even not that big of deal for a couple to lay on top of each other and talk in the park... If you do it here... You might probably be finished or Branded a " Maniac ". That is the word they use for someone who does that.. I assume from the phrase " Sex Maniac." Now for us in the States.. Not a big deal.. Do not do it here.. Not for most anyways..
PDA ( Public Display of Affection ) is not a big hit with most girls in PI.. Not to say that they are not affectionate, just not so much in Public.. You will find that even when you mean it only with good intentions, and it will not seem like a big deal to you... They could possibly perceive you as a rapist, or what they call here ... ' Chicks Boy "...
Example : Early when I was here had a date with very pretty, nice young lady.. We met and went out and eat.. ( Oh by the way,, do not be shocked if they want to invite friends along on your first date, or first meeting.. That is just another thing they do here.. Some guys take it as they are taking advantage and getting free stuff for their friends.. Which some do that... Its really because of the scared of meeting a foreigner, and being alone with them. ) Anyways, on the second date we was alone.. Went to listen to some music.. So no big deal,, I put my arm around her,, stroked her hair, and middle of the night give her kiss on the check, rub on her shoulder a little.. In a little while, she said " I want to go home.".. I ask whats wrong.. She said, " Oh you are just a Manaic, and all you want is sex.. I can tell because you touching me in Public.. You are bad man.".... ha ha ha ha.. Dam,, i was speechless... So let her go home... Encountered that more times here also... So sex is kinda a secret thing in PI.. Do not talk about it with others, do not show it... Even the holding hands and hugging can sometimes be a NO NO... even when together for a while.. Seems once marriage takes place, its not as bad.. But still,, not to much and not in front of others.. Again, just another small warning to let you know how they see things here. Do not blame them, its just their way... Does not mean they will not be a good partner, just means that they are shy in public.. Just does not happen here that much..
They are others,, but these seem to be the biggest ones in which has caused me the most grief in the past.. I now have learned how and where and when to joke.. Learned to respect and accept that is the way.. I do not and should not try to tell them " how stupid it is ".. Or how they should not take things so badly... But ,, i finally realized, that they are not me,, and that they are not like me.. I need to love and accept some of the things that is their life.. Just as they have accepted and tolerated some of the things that are my ways and life also... So I learn to co exists, and give and take.. If you come with the attitude --- " Oh that is just stupid, and you are crazy, and I will not put up with that.".... Your just going to live harder life here.. You can not change it, you can not fight it.. Plus, what makes us right and them wrong.. Not right or wrong.. Just different...
For all Filipino's reading this,, please also understand the NEWBIE guys.. We do not do it to be cruel, or mean.. Some do not do it at all.. But where I am from in Kentucky, and my type of friends, we do it a lot.. But love each to death.. So realize that is not mean or cruel or intentional.. Its just we have not learned how to,, or Why,, stop it.. As for me, I have learned now, and show a lot more restraint and respect and realize that I can not do that with Filipino.. I still do it with other Foreigners and its is fine.. But have learned that we are not all the same,, and give due respect where it is needed..
As foreigners we need to understand that Filipino are very much more sensitive then us.. They look at the world through a complete different set of eyes.. When you really get down to it.. We are very different.. Raised different, eat different, believe different, speak different ( original language ), love different, accept things in life different... So we need to work together to find a middle ground in which allow each of us to keep things that are dear to our hearts,, even if we do not agree on them...
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